| ajfiehafaihaaaaggghhhh!!! |
[Aug. 30th, 2010|11:33 pm] |
Pretty sure I had a mini meltdown on Sunday.
There's just so much to do. And my 'just take one step at a time' plan wasn't really achieving much, because when you've hit that stage, everything goes crazy and instead of fighting, I feel like taking flight.
Whooops.
Obviously, it took a nap, lots of deep breaths and some mollycoddling to get me back on track. Slowly but surely.
i just have to remember that the world will not collapse without me. And my world, though fragile and uncertain, is held up by the hands of the Perfect One. |
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| Love Dare. |
[Aug. 5th, 2010|02:48 am] |
A generous friend of ours bought us the book, Love Dare. It's a one year devotional book for couples. We're not the book sorts, more magazine types, if you will. We were grateful, to know that there was at least one person out there who believed in the stability of our relationship and was willing to invest in us too.
I was looking through my drawers, and I picked it up. I read Day One. It talked about love. We have a stable relationship. We laugh, and we talk. We've been together for nearly 2 years. We're comfortable with each other. I know he hates spring onions, he knows I am squeamish when tentacles are present. Page one talked about how we could love each other more. I put it at the back of my mind, with a quiet prayer, wondering how I could love him that much more.
Throughout the day I've been thinking about our relationship, and how we've grown. It's not the words he say that I remember, it's the little things. The quickened heartbeat when our eyes met across the room, the butterflies in my tummy. The graze of the hand which left me thinking of the silent messages it could mean. The little jumps and giggles and squeals of excitement from a date.
I smiled. My heart grew. My heart had grown comfortable. But now, I remember. And I am that much more in love, with someone I am wholly comfortable with. |
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| the plan. |
[Jul. 14th, 2010|03:25 pm] |
So I'm 21. Nothing feels different. I still wake up late, sleep late, eat junk food & drink coffee.
I feel blessed. Not lucky. Lucky is used to describe a situation where it's just by chance, it's a coincidence. I don't feel lucky. I feel blessed. I feel that people have gone out of their way to love me.
I loved spending time with G & E. It's comforting to know that years can run by, and the friendship still remains as fresh. Nothing changes. We can still lie in the same bed together & talk about everything and nothing. It made me think about moving back to Singapore. It made me think about moving to New York. It made me think about moving. People move. People pick up their bags and move across the world. Why can't I do that? We've got the whole world to explore. Places I've never seen, people I've never met.
And on the other hand, I'm thinking about the job situation. I need to remember not to strive, not to race ahead of time. To be in time with God. To remember that He is for me. That He has a perfect plan for me. |
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| Support. |
[Jun. 10th, 2010|02:03 am] |
I've been a bit of a sook lately. Just down in the dumps. Incredibly upset and worried about everything and nothing. Might be the season I am in, or just this horrific exam that I just can't get over. It's almost like having Monday Blues everyday. Drained, upset, tired, yuck.
It has been during this entire time that I've really felt Des step up to be the man in the relationship, to be that strong support that I so need in this season. To be there when I just needed a shoulder to cry on, or to be that comfortable silence to sit with when my thoughts are racing in my mind, to remind me of His promises, to continually give timely encouragement and wisdom. I love that he is so sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
And for that, I thank God.
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| comfort on a wintry day. |
[Jun. 9th, 2010|04:16 pm] |
It comforts me to know that He makes all things work together for my good. I don't have to be anxious, I don't have to strive, because He goes before me. He fights my battles. He clears the way for me, preparing the right people and the perfect appointments with them. I don't need to worry.
I am overwhelmed to know that He won't relent. He won't give up. He won't let go. I am comforted to know that my innermost being is held in the hands of the perfect One. I can just be free, let go & His embrace will catch me. |
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| Fear. |
[Jun. 7th, 2010|02:07 am] |
Fear is a stupid thing. It's unnecessary.
Sometimes it pushes you to better yourself. Other times, it paralyses you. It cripples your being. It shuts down every single cell in your body. It numbs you. Fear grips you.
Everyone has their own fear, their own battle. Fear terrorises your mind, then your physical self. It weaves in, it grows from within, like a silent weed. Before you know it, it takes hold of your entire being. It invades your thoughts, your emotions, breaking down every cell that gives you courage. It grabs you by the ankles and makes you stay rooted to that same ground, rendering you crippled, unable to move. Fear.
Fear is a mental thing. It's in your mind. It isn't concrete. There's a way out.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2010|01:10 pm] |
He is jealous for me.
Oh, how He loves me. |
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| praise in the morning. |
[Apr. 13th, 2010|03:02 am] |
Every now and again, I feel that nervousness and the need to strive. I hear of the great things that my course mates are achieving and it brings out a competitiveness in me. Maybe, even a sense of pride. And if I'm not careful, the world will consume me.
Whenever I feel the envy or jealousy, or even the need to rush ahead, I need to remind myself that God is in control. He has the masterplan. I must not strive. That life, is a dance with Him. It should be perfected to His timing, with Him in control, to be in sync. It doesn't matter what others are doing, as long as I'm going according to His time and plan. I must not strive, I must not run ahead of Him, I will end up stumbling all over the place. Have you ever seen a child run faster than she can carry herself? Her legs end up going a little crazy, she loses control, and she falls over.
God knows I've done that way too many times. So many times that I've learnt to recognise when I'm starting to strive- so I can pull myself back, and surrender it all to God once again. |
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| For eternity. |
[Apr. 6th, 2010|01:29 am] |
God has been really good. It's so easy to be consumed by daily thoughts and activities. But the goodness of God has been so evident. I just can't run away from it.
It has been declared over the Church that this year is a year of Favour, and I was a little skeptical at first. But 4 months into the 2010, it amazes me how anointing flows into the congregation. |
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| Crossroads. |
[Mar. 30th, 2010|01:58 am] |
I have fleeting thoughts about moving to New York, or Los Angeles. Or even Copenhagen. But I cast them aside, because well, Melbourne is comfortable. In any case, I need to graduate first.
At every crossroad, decisions have to be made. |
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